90 day rule

"Help! I’m so confused."

90 day rule

Postby lilmama81 » Tue Oct 23, 2012 2:55 pm

Ok, i did the 3 month rule for sex. This guy was perfect. Respectful, wouldn't let me pay for anything. He was fine waiting and would have waited longer if i needed to. We finally had sex and now he had slowed contact to a stop. Not abrupt but over days. Wtf happened why wait 3 months if you just want sex? The sex wasn't a problem he had to keep stopping so he wouldn't finish and loved how tight i was. We went times ( the only reason i brought that up is bc someone will blame the sex). What do i do.
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Re: 90 day rule

Postby bedazzle » Tue Oct 23, 2012 3:35 pm

Using rules like that during dating is playing a game and not being authentic. A man can sense that (not necessarily consciously) and it acutally impacts his ability to develop feelings when it is a challenge. He feels the challenge and then he starts playing the game, at this point it becomes mental vs emotional. He was willing to wait that long because it was a game he wanted to win, it was not about the sex. He has now achieved his goal but maybe there were other things not in place for him as far as what he wants in a relationship to keep staying interested.

I know there are a lot of "rules" out there for dating but the most important thing is to be authentic. Have sex with a man when you feel it is right for you, not an arbitrary 3 months. I have read a good 25-30 books on dating, relationships, sex, marriage, break ups, etc, etc written by both men and women. And yes, I read the one with the 30 day rule and all the reasons why. I was sold on that when I read it. However, over time, I have found that the balanced consensus is don't jump into bed right away with a man, but do it when you are ready and are willing to risk that he may leave.

I am sorry, I know those are not words of comfort. There is really nothing you can do at this point. Hopefully the guy is just busy and will come around. If not this may just be one of those lessons that life brings.
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Re: 90 day rule

Postby lilmama81 » Tue Oct 23, 2012 3:48 pm

He didn't know i was waiting 90 days. I didn't discuss that, i just waited 3 months then felt ready




bedazzle wrote:Using rules like that during dating is playing a game and not being authentic. A man can sense that (not necessarily consciously) and it acutally impacts his ability to develop feelings when it is a challenge. He feels the challenge and then he starts playing the game, at this point it becomes mental vs emotional. He was willing to wait that long because it was a game he wanted to win, it was not about the sex. He has now achieved his goal but maybe there were other things not in place for him as far as what he wants in a relationship to keep staying interested.

I know there are a lot of "rules" out there for dating but the most important thing is to be authentic. Have sex with a man when you feel it is right for you, not an arbitrary 3 months. I have read a good 25-30 books on dating, relationships, sex, marriage, break ups, etc, etc written by both men and women. And yes, I read the one with the 30 day rule and all the reasons why. I was sold on that when I read it. However, over time, I have found that the balanced consensus is don't jump into bed right away with a man, but do it when you are ready and are willing to risk that he may leave.

I am sorry, I know those are not words of comfort. There is really nothing you can do at this point. Hopefully the guy is just busy and will come around. If not this may just be one of those lessons that life brings.
lilmama81
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Tue Oct 23, 2012 2:38 pm

Re: 90 day rule

Postby bedazzle » Tue Oct 23, 2012 5:07 pm

But why 90 days? You had a goal in your head too. Most women don't tell the guys the 90 day rule, but men have intuition too.

Just a thought.....

What would another plausible reason be? Just curious, I am open to other's thougts too.
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Re: 90 day rule

Postby lilmama81 » Tue Oct 23, 2012 5:47 pm

It wasn't exactly 90 days, i don't know exact days. I just know it was about3 months. I don't know what is going on. That's why i asked.



bedazzle wrote:But why 90 days? You had a goal in your head too. Most women don't tell the guys the 90l day rule, but men have intuition too.

Just a thought.....

What would another plausible reason be? Just curious, I am open to other's thougts too.
lilmama81
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Tue Oct 23, 2012 2:38 pm

Re: 90 day rule

Postby bedazzle » Tue Oct 23, 2012 7:06 pm

You started your first post with that you did the 3 month rule for sex. Did you or did you not then have a certain goal in mind as to how long you were going to wait for sex?
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Re: 90 day rule

Postby lilmama81 » Tue Oct 23, 2012 10:47 pm

I didn't set out to be like its 3 months, let's have sex. I know i wanted to wait a decent amount of time. But that isn't the point of the post. The point its he waited and still took off. This guy gave no red flags.



bedazzle wrote:You started your first post with that you did the 3 month rule for sex. Did you or did you not then have a certain goal in mind as to how long you were going to wait for sex?
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Re: 90 day rule

Postby bedazzle » Wed Oct 24, 2012 9:38 am

My apologies, there is a book out there that touts a 90 day/3 month rule and I misunderstood since that is how the post was titled and started.

Unfortunately you would need to ask him to know really why he left.

My guess is that he got the final prize and there was something missing with the whole package for what he wanted in a relationship and decided to bail. If men are unhappy with something they won't necessarily share it, especially in a new relationship. I have heard several women on this forum be surprised when a man pulls a houdini.

Without knowing more about how you two related and issues you had, I think anyone's guess is as good as another's. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do.
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Re: 90 day rule

Postby lilmama81 » Thu Oct 25, 2012 12:14 pm

There were no issues. It seemed almost too good to be true. I met his family and everything.
I've never had this perfect of a relationship. That's why I'm so confused.


[/b]
bedazzle wrote:My apologies, there is a book out there that touts a 90 day/3 month rule and I misunderstood since that is how the post was titled and started.

Unfortunately you would need to ask him to know really why he left.

My guess is that he got the final prize and there was something missing with the whole package for what he wanted in a relationship and decided to bail. If men are unhappy with something they won't necessarily share it, especially in a new relationship. I have heard several women on this forum be surprised when a man pulls a houdini.

Without knowing more about how you two related and issues you had, I think anyone's guess is as good as another's. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do.
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Re: 90 day rule

Postby lagirl » Thu Oct 25, 2012 12:25 pm

Sweetie, only HE can tell you why he lost interest.

We can only guess at reasons:
1. Met someone else who interests him
2. His main goal was to have sex with you...now that he had it, he is moving on.
3. Felt as if you two were getting too close and decided to back off - has fear of losing his freedom
4. .........

It's confusing, but sometimes a guy will introduce you to family and friends and it does not mean he wants to get serious with you.

I know it hurts, yet there is not much you can do about it.
If he wants to be with you, he will.

The best thing you can do is give him space and leave him alone. Never chase a guy or try to convince him to be with you. He has to make this decision on his own.

He may have just freaked out, and if that is the case, after thinking about it may come back to you.

If not, there are plenty of other guys out there. This one was just not meant to be. I know in your mind you believe this was a perfect relationship, but most times things work out for the best.
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