A great boyfriend but he hasn't said "I love you"

Trying to get "girlfriend" status?

A great boyfriend but he hasn't said "I love you"

Postby Naomi » Sun Oct 02, 2011 7:21 am

Now first off, let me say that I believe I'm a pretty laid back, and patient girl. I don't nag, drag my guy to the mall, or whine about stupid crap.

But after a great 1 year relationship, my boyfriend has yet to say, "I love you"....and it's hard not to wonder if he does or doesn't love me. It's especially hard when I know that I love him.

I've read everything you pretty much had to say about guys....and there have definitely been many moments where he has "shown" that he cares. So I guess that by what you're saying, he most likely does love me in some way....

But there's also a possibility that he may just enjoy the sex and/or being in some sort of solid relationship, right? He's extremely loyal and I know for a fact he has never ever cheated on me, but I don't want to be in a relationship where I am treated just as "great company and good sex" ...Having a good friendship and good sex are vital in a relationship but without love to bind them together, I feel like those aspects alone won't keep a relationship alive for long.

So my question: Should I expect to hear those words? At what point should I draw the line and walk away? Or should I say " love you first", and see how he responds?
Naomi
 
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Re: A great boyfriend but he hasn't said "I love you"

Postby Vanya » Mon Oct 03, 2011 1:42 pm

A: No.
Why would you walk away just because one sentence.
Don't give such great deal about one sentence to your whole relationship.

In my knowledge, guys don't give such big deal about stuff that are, in their opinion, commonly known.
My bf and I had once casual conversation (we started as friends and still have conversations about random stuff) and he said, that for him if he said that he loves somebody, he didn't feel like he needed to repeat it. He sometimes wouldn't say it, but if he loved a girl he would just want to make her happy and smile and didn't find some sentence important for his feelings, she already knows them. Even he wouldn't feel comfortable to repeat it all the time cause it doesn't makes sense to him and feels like he has to repeat it because of girl and it's not him. He would feel like she trapped him to do something he doesn't want to.
If you really want to tell him that you love him, tell it casual and don't expect him to tell you that he loves you back or make drama i he doesn't. Just be normal and yourself.
If you practically ask him to tell you if he loves you or not, he'll probably do it just to make you happy, not because he feels it.
And if you need to hear him that he loves you to affirm your love, that's a different problem.

For end, my advice: please, STOP OBSESSING!
Forget "love you", forget sex and just enjoy your time together. ;)
Vanya
 
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Re: A great boyfriend but he hasn't said "I love you"

Postby immaculate virgoan » Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:33 am

I think the question you need to consider is "Do you feel loved in this relationship?

Because if you do, you are not going to feel any better than that by being told he loves you. And you will feel a lot worse if you break off the relationship on that basis.

If you feel loved then it doesn't matter how long it takes for him to say it.

Ivy
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Re: A great boyfriend but he hasn't said "I love you"

Postby hazelpooh » Tue Oct 11, 2011 3:46 am

Maybe he's not the type that says those words. Some people are raised that way. I throw I love yous to close girl and guy friends a lot. Others are not like that. As long as you're relationship is fulfilling why bother worrying about him not saying I love you. Action speaks louder than words. Try and look at how you're relationship together has been. Then you will truly see how he cares for you. :-)
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Re: A great boyfriend but he hasn't said "I love you"

Postby Moniquita » Wed Oct 19, 2011 4:49 pm

Naomi girl, I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I too am going through the same! This is how I see it, he hasn't cheated, he hasn't lied, we don't fight, we talk like best friends and we have had the greatest year together. I have actually talked to him about it, i said: In movies, tv, facebook etc everyone falls in love quick... is something wrong with us? Im just asking out of curiosity to see your point of view! Then he replied that most people abuse the words I Love You and turns out (known fact) he has never said it to anyone else but his family members. He says once you say I love you its like the relationship changes. He also said that he wont say it until he knows that she is the one!
Now, he is old fashioned and believes in making sure you say I love you when you truly mean it. Im not sure if your boyfriend might be the same, but i will tell you this...

Enjoy every moment and be you, cause if he has been with you for the year than looks like hes gonna stick around. I love you can be abused and sometimes guys say it without meaning it, so look at the bright side and enjoy eachother to the max and just know that when he says it... you know he means it.

As for telling him... i recommend you dont say I love you, I actually told my boyfriend that i am falling in love with him (but i am soooo in love with him) and he said that he liked that i didnt jump to the I love you cause then he would feel bad not saying it back. So dont say it, just hint your falling and maybe one day when the mood is right and everything you will hear him say it and know tht he means it and then you can say it back with the greatest relief ever... Im still waiting patiently for that moment... BUT Patience is a Virtue and he'll appreciate it soo much, plus once its out in the open thats when you let him know you loved him for a while but waited till he was ready and I bet that would boost the relationship soo much more cause you never pressured him like some other girl would.

Be strong and hang in there
Moniquita
 
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Re: A great boyfriend but he hasn't said "I love you"

Postby jones.jm84 » Tue Sep 04, 2012 6:41 pm

I am in the exact same situation though previously my boyfriend was in a 5 year relationship which he felt very unhappy in. He went through so much that I don't want to pressure him into saying he loves me before he's ready.

I've waited a year and I'd rather know that when he says it to me he means it. Then I'll know that it'll be how he truly feels about me, he's so kind to me and caring that I think he's worth the wait. Nice guys don't come by that often, when they do appreciate what you have. A few years out of a lifetime are not long to wait.

:-)
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