Another case of the distant guy

Does he want out or does he just need some space?

Another case of the distant guy

Postby Wonderingsoul » Thu Jun 07, 2012 5:43 am

I'm confused - Everything was going good, the last night I spent with him was 17 days ago...& things seemed fine between us (the only thing he did mention was about me having more fight and balance - obviously this was an issue for him & how he wanted to me to stop smoking - even though he's a social smoker and will happily smoke mine - though I don't really think either of those are the current issue) 2 days after I seen him he went away on work for a few days, we exchanged a few text then as soon as he got back from work, he went back up home to see his friends and his family for a week. During this time alls I got was 1 text which was when he first got there. Now he's back and he seems distant. How long do I leave him be (I was thinking a week) before asking him how work is going (incase he generally is just busy) but assuming the worst and he's still acting distant how do I approach him about it cause he's sort of left me hanging...

He mentioned about us arranging something when he got back, as I had already asked him the weekend he was due to go home, so obviously he couldn't but said we'd sort something out when he was back. He didn't even text me to tell me he was back. So there was no contact for 9 days!! I text him last Friday night asking if he was home, even though I knew full well he was and had been since Thursday! He text me back late afternoon on Saturday to say that he was, he'd been busy and asked how I was. I replied. Then he replied to say he was good and all was well just busy with work and not much time off. I've left it since in hope that he would text me, but nothing...

I'm really at a loss because I do want him, but I dont want to start coming off as clingy and needy because I don't need him and I never want to be that sort of person.
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Re: Another case of the distant guy

Postby jess2.0 » Wed Jun 13, 2012 11:48 pm

Okay, I can only tell you want I am doing and hopefully go off of that. I don't believe in leaving a person and not talking to them most important is to keep the lines of communication open! DONT TEXT HIM!!! what ever you do don't, find things you enjoy and when he texts you back or calls and ask how are you say Im good i have been so busy do this and that.. but enough about what i am doing lol how are you? If you keep pushing him to talk to you the further he will RUN i mean RUN. I personally learned this one the hard way.We love to talk us girls but we have to learn to source it out another direction when this happens. give him time to miss you and it will not be instant but a week or two he will be calling you but don't close up because your mad or upset talk to him like nothing has happen, he ask why you leave say hey you need your space i sense that so i left and I am getting myself together more so i be a better partner for you. best of luck!
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Re: Another case of the distant guy

Postby Misstam37 » Mon Jun 18, 2012 12:12 pm

I have recently been in this situation. After much agony of crying and trying to figure out what I did wrong..I realized that I needed to give him the space he asked for and back away. He 'came 'back.now I'm focusing on myself and my own personal issues and never will I give another man that kind of power. I think as females we come across as wanting too much and it scares them. The saying is true, let it go, and if its meant to be it will return
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Re: Another case of the distant guy

Postby StaceyTaylor » Sun Jul 01, 2012 9:44 pm

Guys aren't 4 year olds. They're not "scared" one way or another. It's called irritation. It's called annoyance. It's called this is suffocating and childish. When a guy backs off, he doesn't have commitment issues, he's not scared, he's not unsure of his emotions - women seriously need to unplug from that nonsense and knock it off already.

He backs off when you come on way too strong, way too soon, and push him to cater to all your insecurities, while you completely ignore who he even is.

He backs off when he realizes you're not the right woman for him.

He backs off when he's dealing with things more important than you.

He backs off when he's tired of you.

He backs off when he'd rather watch grass grow than listen to you bitch, whine and nag him about crap that doesn't matter.

Guys may be clueless in general about women as a gender, but guys aren't stupid. They are also not props and extras in your one woman show. Most women want a guy around as an accessory, like they want a new purse, they selfishly make it all about them...if they land a job in another city, they fully expect the guy to uproot his life and follow her all over the country. If they don't like his job, they fully expect it's his obligation to quit and find something that helps her sleep at night.

You ladies got to stop this, you're the one destroying your relationships and when the guy jumps through one hoop too many, he'll surrender to the woman who doesn't require that of him, the woman who doesn't head trip every other Tuesday on him, the woman who can see him as who he actually is and likes who he is, who gets to know who he is, who makes it about him for a change.

The sad reality is when he starts backing off, he's realized irreparable damage to the relationship and is questioning whether it's worth anymore of his time. As long as it's always about you and why he's not up your ass 24-7, you can be guaranteed to send him backing away for the count.
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