Dating Tips, Relationship Advice For Women and How To Understand Men
Women ask me this question over and over again:
How do I get him to call me his girlfriend?
- or -
How do I get him to become official or exclusive with me?
- or -
How do I get him to say he's in a relationship with me on Facebook?
Maybe you're already in an "official" relationship, but I would still urge you to keep reading because the trick I'm about to reveal applies to all relationships at any stage.
In many cases, a woman asks me one of those "how do I get a title / relationship status" question after weeks or months of waiting for the guy to
commit to her in some way.
Things started out fine and progressed into seeing each other steadily and regularly. But for whatever reason, despite the frequent visits, sleepovers, dates, texts, etc. he says he doesn't want a relationship.
(Or for some, he says he's not ready for some next step... moving in, marriage, etc.)
There's a truth about people - men and women: People only step up to do something when they're inspired to and/or feel it's necessary.
So to all you women who have been treating that guy who's not your boyfriend as if he were your boyfriend (or heck, some of you are treating him like your
godlike husband), I have this message:
He's already getting what he wants.
He knows you're not going anywhere. He knows that there's no urgency to change anything about your arrangement, really, since you are deeply and completely infatuated with him. You're in deep and he knows it. He might not know that you've planned your wedding or the birth of your two kids in
your mind yet, but he knows that you could care less about any other man on the planet.
And therein lies the problem.
See, you say you want or need a committed relationship or a boyfriend or a husband. But you SETTLE for what you're getting now and chances are you're going to keep settling (and getting what you're currently getting) until
It's not that he's a bad guy. It's not that he wants to take advantage of you or take you for granted. It's simply that you're graciously accepting how
things are even though you're dying a silent death inside.
You might think that you're doing a favor for your relationship in the long run. I'm here to tell you you're not.
The fact is, you're lying to yourself and to your guy if you're putting on a happy face on the surface but deep down feeling that you want or need better.
Now, I don't want this to be a super long e-mail, so tomorrow I will share this trick with you so you can finally turn the tables and get the commitment from
your guy (or know for certain that he's a dead end...)
To quickly recap, if a guy says he doesn't want "a relationship" or "to
be exclusive" or "to be official" or to marry you...
HE MEANS IT.
So believe him... and if that's where you're at now (or if you're ever there at some point in the future), I'm going to talk you through what you need to know now.
So here's the trick... and it's drop dead simple.
First, you must realize... really realize... that your current relationship status and
arrangement IS your current relationship status.
If he says he doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship with you, then you had better make sure that this guy is not your only option.
It's amazing to me, but there are SO MANY women who just commit to guys that have specifically said that they're not committed to any relationship. The women hope and pray for things to change, but again, why would they change if the guy has everything he would get from a girlfriend without the title?
And on that note, when he told you that he didn't want to be in a relationship, I'm sure he gave you a reason:
He's not over his ex...
He has baggage...
He's not in a good place in his life for a girlfriend...
He's too busy to commit to a relationship - he wouldn't be able to give it his all...
And on and on.
Listen: When a man says he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, he
means it. The reason doesn't matter - the reason is just to soften the blow. The real message always is: I don't want to be in a relationship with you.
The "trick" is to never treat that guy like a priority when you're only an option to him.
In other words - if he hasn't chosen you as THE ONE, then you need to make sure that you have options as well. This is for a few very important reasons:
Men want to be with a prize. Heck, women want to be with a prize too - we like to be with people who are a cut above the rest.
Well a prize is something that not only needs to be won, but could also be lost to someone else if they don't bring their A game.
See a lot of women don't give men the opportunity to bring their A game for them. The women see the slightest glimmer of a chance for a relationship and they shut down ALL other options with other men.
They delete their Match profiles, they tell all other potential guys that they're
seeing someone, etc.
And the new guy can feel that there's no competition - he's won and there's no need to bring his A game for his victorious claiming of you as his prize.
This is why it's so important not only to truly be SINGLE until you're actually in a
relationship with a guy, but also to have multiple options.
When you see guys stepping up and locking down a woman in a relationship, whether it's getting the girlfriend title, moving in together or even marriage, the man knows that if he doesn't commit and move forward, he could lose the
When men commit, it's because they're inspired to bring their A game, inspired to make their woman happy and inspired to claim their prize.
I am not suggesting manipulating men or holding this over a guy's head like a
grim shadow. That will backfire heavily, I promise.
What I am recommending is a mindset shift - when you don't like what you're getting, stop trying to CHANGE it and instead look for other options to get what you want.
If the man cares about keeping you, he will step up to keep you. No man wants his woman to choose another option than him - if he wants you, he will step up to the plate.
On the other hand, if you take that mindset too far, it will have extremely bad consequences - think of this mindset as a light spice, just a pinch of it to
season a pleasant meal. Too much spice and you ruin it.
All in all, if you want a man to commit, you MUST activate his desire to POSSESS you and steal you away from all other would-be suitors.
If you don't activate this desire in him, he will not commit to you.
It is amazing how quickly a man will suddenly "fix" whatever issue was standing in the way of him committing to you when he thinks he could lose you to another man.
Suddenly he's over his baggage...
Suddenly his relentless work schedule has loosened up...
Suddenly he's ready to be in a relationship...
Now, the other side of this trick is that if the guy doesn't step up even when you do have options (remember, you're not flaunting them or talking about
it), he was never going to.
It's that simple - if he doesn't step up when he knows you could go with another man, then you just learned info that could save you years of heartache and time wasted on a dead end relationship.
Plus, if he doesn't step up, you have options! You're not starting at square one. You can part ways with the guy amicably (or not) and start seeing other
men who will likely be more likely to commit.
Don't be surprised if you get a tearful call from the non-committal guy a few days or weeks later, saying that he needs you and he messed up. But remember, your current relationship status IS your true relationship status.
So stop daydreaming about what "could be" and start facing what is - if your
relationship status is single, you're single. Act accordingly and you might just have things start moving forward.
Hope it helps,