OK - congrats, your question is going to become the Ask a Guy post for this week.
I'm going to warn you: Of everything I've ever written, this information could be used to be extremely manipulative to control men.
So before I reveal the answers, I want to be clear about a few things:
I do not advocate manipulation, using men for your own benefit or reckless "button-pushing". This information is intended for you to get a better understanding of how communication works, NOT as a step-by-step guide to manipulate men.
I am not pro-relationship or anti-relationship.
I am pro-understanding and pro-communication. So I want to just make clear that my intention here is just to make a clear point about understanding men and communication so that you can effectively communicate your desires.
Sometimes getting into an exclusive relationship with a guy isn't what you might want and I just want to be clear that I'm not advocating for or against getting into relationships... these examples are just examples, not recommendations of goals to have with all men.
With that said, let's talk about what has to happen to have a guy chase you.
If you want a guy to chase you, then you MUST do all of the following:
1) ASSUME that you are "the prize" and that the guy wants you BAD.
OK - in any human interaction, there is what's being said (the "text") and what's being said between the lines (the "subtext").
For example, if a girl says to a guy, "I was waiting all night for your call! Why didn't you call me back?" that's the surface text. But the sub-text is screaming, "You are the center of my universe - the fact that you didn't call me ruined my evening and made me an emotional wreck because you are the only thing that matters to me in my life."
Now... when I put it in those terms, you might think, "Wow, that sounds really needy!"
Well guess what? In dating and relationships, the language spoken is SUBTEXT. So if you are conveying that you are needy in your subtext, you will not be able to have a guy chase you because the subtext is that he can have you whenever he wants without any effort whatsoever.
Now let's look at this from a girl who isn't needy:
Girl doesn't get a text from the guy, so she goes out and has a fun night with her friends. Next morning she writes, "Morning sunshine. How was your night?"
The subtext: "You're a person I like and I'm saying hi."
Nice and light. Nothing manipulative, nothing punishing. Just a warm positive message to let him know you're thinking of him without *NEEDING* something from him.
Finally, let's look at an example of a woman who isn't needy and sees herself as the prize:
Guy: "I like you, but I'm not ready to be in a relationship."
Girl: "That's fine, I'll keep my options open then." (And without being upset or whining or taking it personally, she continues to keep her options open...)
The sub-text: "I know I'm hot, I know you want me and if you want me you need to make a decision or I'm gone."
Notice how she's not whining, pouting, becoming insecure? This is a WAAAAAY more powerful and effective approach in dealing with men - you leave the message in the sub-text, which causes his mind to start thinking about it.
An interesting thing about human psychology: When someone whines and pouts, you will resist it. But when someone leaves a message in the sub-text for you to decode, you start thinking about it... more and more... and you don't resist it or see it as a threat.
You don't fight it or argue it (losing the point in the process).
So when a guy decodes the sub-text, his mind will start thinking about the implications of what you're saying. He'll start questioning the situation: "Am I willing to lose her? Would I rather be single and lose her or should I see where a relationship goes with her?"
Most people cannot tolerate the thought of losing something (even if they didn't originally value it). In sales, they call this a "take-away".
OK, so assuming you're with me so far, I'm now going to give you the two keys that will make you a master of sub-text easily, without effort or thinking about it.
Key #1: ASSUME that he wants you BAD and NEVER, EVER stray from that assumption.
Key #2: NEVER use a relationship to fill a void for you - live your life in a way where it feels like "enough" for you to be completely full of happiness, whether or not you're in a relationship. That will look different for different women, but the sooner you figure it out, the sooner you'll be a master of all your relationships.
2) Have a limited shelf life:
Here's a huge mistake I see tons of women make.
They want an exclusive relationship, so they find a guy and decide they want that guy to be their exclusive boyfriend. And they decide to fixate totally on this guy, cut off all other dating possibilities and act like the guy's exclusive girlfriend.
Meanwhile, the guy isn't looking for a relationship. He wants sex and companionship, but he's not ready to "lock-in".
But guess what? He's already enjoying all of the benefits of a relationship without having to be in one. He's comfortable and he knows he has her locked down
So then she says to him, "I want to be exclusive!"
Well guess what - she already IS exclusive... she has been since the day she decided she wanted to be exclusive with him and she's been acting like they're exclusive ever since.
What she means is: "I want YOU to be exclusive toward me!"
Problem is, the guy is looking for an upside to changing the relationship. Frankly, the guy will think to himself, "I'm happy now... why change anything?"
And he'll say, "I really like you, but I'm not ready for a relationship, etc. etc."
Again, this ties back to the first part - don't decide to be exclusive until both of you want to be. And to be quite honest, guys choose to be exclusive with a girl with the intention that they get to have her all to himself - if they already know they have your heart-locked, they know that you're not going to go anywhere regardless of whether or not "official" or not.
Nothing wrong with dating around if you haven't both agreed to be exclusive.
3) Be sexy, available and provocative.
Some women berate and tear down women who are hot and dress in a way that men think is hot.
They call these women sluts, whores, tramps, etc. Meanwhile, they dress in a way that doesn't turn men on, but is considered "fashionable".
I want to make this point VERY clear: Straight men do not care about women's fashion trends.
Straight men do not care about women's fashion trends.
Straight men do not care about women's fashion trends.
In fact, most of the time we find women's fashion trends stupid-looking and ugly.
If you want an idea of what men find sexy, look at imagery used that depicts men's fantasies. Look THERE for your fashion inspiration, not to the runway (which is an industry dominated by gay men and other women - nothing against either group, I'm just saying they are not your target audience as a romantic interest.)
If you want men to fantasize about you... lust for you... dream about you... and CHASE you, then LOOK LIKE THE PICTURE OF THE MALE FANTASY.
If you want guys to chase you... that is.
If you want to be a good consumer and feed the economy and impress your girlfriends (while being ignored by men), then by all means follow the fashion trends of today. It won't make men notice or chase you, but it will most definitely make your wallet lighter.
Some women have made the argument that it's better to leave things to the imagination and I couldn't agree more...
BUT that doesn't mean don't show skin. By all means, show off your best assets without fear or shame.
Women may hate on the girl who dresses sexy, but let me ask you something: Have you ever been with a guy, talking to him and his attention snaps to a girl who's dressed sexy and is showing off tons of skin? It could be across the room, it could be on TV.
THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT... IT'S BECAUSE IT'S WHAT **MEN** FIND ATTRACTIVE. You could sit a straight man in front of a fashion runway and he'd want to hang himself within five minutes from boredom.
And yet... that same guy could fixate one a muted movie starring Megan Fox for two hours without complaint (but possibly drooling).
SNAP OUT OF SOCIETIES BS SHAMING OF *ATTRACTIVE* WOMEN. If you want men to be attracted to you and chase you, then look at the glaringly obvious images that are all over this culture of what turns men on.
"But Eric, that's degrading!" Is it? How?
Explain to me how having a man begging for your love and attention on his knees is degrading to WOMEN? Explain to me how having a man willing to spend tons of hard earned money is degrading to YOU? Explain to me how being completely spoiled and treated like a queen is degrading to YOU???
I'm serious - there's been a ton of cultural brainwashing around this area of sexuality. The fact is, none of us had a point in our life where we CHOSE what we're attracted to. Men never got to choose and neither did women.
Every human is a "victim" of the human condition - and part of that is our biological programming of what turns us on.
There's nothing degrading about sexuality.
The only thing that's "degrading" in relationship is when one person doesn't think that have any inherent value, so they try to make up for their low self-esteem by acting like a beggar or slave to the man or woman they're interested in.
THAT'S DEGRADING, but it has nothing to do with sexuality. It has to do with that person's own perception of their own self-worth.
If you want to listen to fashion mags, your girlfriends and jealous women... then by all means, follow their advice. But it will not be nearly as effective as looking at what MEN actually want...
So if you want men to chase you, LOOK LIKE WHAT MEN WANT. Look towards the fantasy images men have about women and take your cues from there.
This might freak you out because you might think you need a perfect, swimsuit model body. You DON'T.
All you need is to BELIEVE that men want your body and find you sexually irresistible. I have seen some women who were 100 pounds overweight have guys chasing them because they held this belief that men wanted them BAD.
I've also seen women with gorgeous looks and bodies remain dateless for months on end because they were extremely insecure about their looks. It comes across as lacking confidence.
With that said, everyone (men and women) should strive to have the best body they can have. It will only help, you'll feel better and being HAPPY and FEELING GOOD is a key to being attractive.
I will warn you - being sexy upsets other women because it makes them jealous of the attention you're getting from men (while they get ignored in their "fashionable" clothes)...
There's a truth of life - the more effective you become in a competitive environment, the more haters you'll get.
To deal with the haters, do the following:
- Have great female friends who you defend and treat like gold. NO FRENEMIES - as in, no girlfriends that you trash talk behind their backs (or that trash talk you behind your back).
- Have great male friends.
- Know that haters are always jealous, miserable people. ALWAYS.
- Have value to your friends - help your friends win in the areas of life they want to win in. When you are valuable to people, they will treat you like gold and defend you to the bitter end.
The Core Secret:
To tie it all together, you make men chase you when they see that you look mind-blowingly-sexy and that any guy COULD step up and have you... which motivates them to move (and move FAST) to make sure they get you and don't lose their chance.
That's actually the core lesson about getting men to chase you - they have to feel they could attain you, but they also have to feel like if they don't take action they will LOSE YOU.
That's the core secret. Let that sink in and live your life in that way and you will have men chasing you from all corners of the world.