Is he confused? Scared?

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Is he confused? Scared?

Postby Buzz18 » Fri Dec 23, 2011 11:13 am

Okay, so me and my guy were together for 9 months and a bit but then broke up in August. We had an amazing relationship. He put it down to family problems and just needed a break and also a lot of people interfered in our relationship (saying things that put him down).
We remained close and held onto our connection and on October 14th (after weeks of on/off or hot/cold behaviour and then telling me he loved me) he asked if we could get back together again. After 3 weeks he broke it off again. This time he put it down to studies.
We STILL remain close but i want him back so i don't know whether being friends is a good idea then. He still sends mixed signals, we get very close and then he seems to back off. And i know he still loves me. I actually feel like he's scared to give up his independence so how do i get him back to me? We talk every other day and conversation is good but sometimes limited. But i really want him back. What do I do? I love him alot and worst of all his cousin is one of my closest friends, and he's always saying he wants you. But still, I just want my guy back. I'm literally heartbroken.
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Re: Is he confused? Scared?

Postby KirbyMinx » Sat Dec 24, 2011 1:15 am

So you want to get back with a guy who has already broken up with you twice? Obviously you care about him and you can't just shut those feelings off. You want to fix the problems from the last break up and patch those up so they don't happen again but then new ones appear. But by going back to him yet again you will be telling him clearly that he has the power in this relationship and what's to stop him from breaking things off again in another 3 weeks?

Yes, he might still love you but he's certainly not showing it through his actions. If he was intent on having a second (or third) go at a relationship with you, he would be doing his best to overcome the hurdles that are in the way. His family problems, school, and the negative opinions of other people in your life are all excuses to try and justify this behavior.

Trying to force things between two people never works. What you need to do is stop making him the center of your life. Yes, you love him and want him back, but chasing him or having any plan of action is not going to achieve that. Instead of being depressed and thinking about how to win him back, take a step back and work on yourself. Keeping up a facade of just being friends is probably not helping either. You don't have to ignore him or not talk to him, but don't connect with him with the expectation of getting back together.

Once you start to take the time to make yourself happy and enjoy other things, you'll realize you don't "need" him. You will be confident and secure with yourself being single and happy. It might happen that he sees you as this happy, secure individual and realize that he walked away from a great thing and come back saying that he really wants to try again. Or he may not, but by then you will probably already have other suitors lined up anyways. ;)
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