New to dating, can't get a read on this guy.

Trying to get "girlfriend" status?

New to dating, can't get a read on this guy.

Postby circuscircus » Tue Dec 20, 2011 4:12 pm

Hello everyone. I'm new to the forums and to the whole dating scene in general. I'm 27 and have lived mostly vicariously through my friends in terms of dating. Long story short - until very recently, I avoided men like the plague, which is why I'm trying to figure my way here blind while struggling to ignore most of the "superb" advice from most of my female friends.

My friends/family set us up via telephone. We've been out every Friday for the past 3 weeks. Dinners - never lets me pay. Movies - holds my hand/cuddles. Lots to talk about, everything from work to opinions on food and culture, life experiences, etc. INSANE chemistry - I've never been so attracted to a man to the point where I want to rip his clothes off with my teeth. While 2 out of our 3 dates have ended with movies and heavy petting on my couch, we haven't had sex or anything.

My question is how to get a read on this guy and what he wants. I'm not looking for labels or anything crazy, and I'm not doing the whole needy chick thing that most of my lady friends do when in the initial stages of a potential relationship. But I would like to know how this reads to some of the more experienced daters:

We talk on the phone once a week, often at the beginning. We talk about sports (I'm one of the females that LOVES sports - he and I have mutual friends who can be found watching games at my house as opposed to his), the weekend, and make plans for Friday night. No texting in between, but I think that's a good thing because it keeps things interesting and we're not in each others everything all day every day. He's going away for the new year, but hasn't invited me. I see no problem with this - we don't know each other very well and it's a holiday weekend after all. My friends and mom are put off by this, but I'm trying to tune them out.

He calls when he says he will and texts when he says he will. When we're out, he treats me very well. Then we get to my house and in his car or in my house, crazy makeout sessions ensue. I guess my question is – what are his intentions? The intensity of our chemistry is crazy but I don’t want to rush it or lead him on. I personally don’t feel ready for intimacy, but I know he is. I suppose it’s a good sign that when he tried to draw my hand to his appendage, I pulled away and he didn’t push it, but I worry that he’s more interested in sex than in building something more meaningful.

One of the reasons I prefer to stay away is because I’ve seen (and experienced) some pretty serious wining and dining from men to get what they want, then bail on a woman, even AFTER voluntarily meeting a woman’s parents, calling her his girlfriend, and in general putting the effort in to take her out and plan dates. If men are by nature simple, straightforward creatures who don’t spend time overanalyzing like us psycho women do, then why pull out all the stops just to “hit it and quit it”?

My point is, I’m trying not to lump this guy into the category of all the other losers I’ve had to see and deal with while counseling hundreds of brokenhearted females (not in relationship advice – in self-help in terms of other aspects of their lives). Is he a decent guy who I have a crazy connection with in terms of what we want from life as well as physically, who is just as scared as I am, or is he another Joe who’s happily dating along and who just knows what to do and how to kiss/touch a woman to get what he wants?

The other side to this coin is what I want. I’m not hounding him – I initiated contact first once and that was last week via text (he texted back and we kept it light but in touch). I am VERY attracted to him in many ways and I could see this going somewhere serious in the long run, but I’m happy taking it slow, so long as he’s not losing interest. I’m willing to hold off on my burning desires (I don’t care about the 3-date rule or whatever) in the interest of not rushing things, but I know that the only way I will genuinely enjoy it is if there’s a deeper emotional connection. That kind of connection won’t happen with one phone conversation and one date a week. I don’t “need” him to call or text more – I’m actually fine with this, so long as I know what he’s looking for, but that’s a conversation that absolutely cannot take place for obvious reasons.

I’m very confused and I hope that someone here will be able to sort through it all and give me an objective opinion. Thank you for taking the time. Dee
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Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2011 3:02 pm

Re: New to dating, can't get a read on this guy.

Postby Rosalindaa » Mon Jan 02, 2012 7:17 pm

Hi Dee,
In your letter you did not mention how old this man is. It seems to me that if he was really interested in you he would call or see you more often. You might need to spend more time on the phone or see him more often to get a better read on him.
Posts: 69
Joined: Thu Dec 29, 2011 10:45 am

Re: New to dating, can't get a read on this guy.

Postby elaine » Mon Jan 02, 2012 7:40 pm

You are right to take it slow. Get to know him, actions speak louder than words. He treats you nice
and takes you out and he pays. This is all good. I have heard people say not to ask a man what he wants, where this is going etc. He will tell you especially if you do not give him everything. Wait
until he has that conversation with you telling you how he feels and what he wants. What do you
want? If you only want to have sex if you are in a committed, monogamous relationship then you
can tell him that. I am not suggesting you play a game but protect your heart. It has happened to
me, we think that because we are feeling a certain way they must want and feel the same. He does
like you but that does not clarify what he wants in his life at the moment. He will wait and pursue
you if he is interested. Enjoy the dates and your time with him.
Posts: 47
Joined: Wed Nov 09, 2011 9:31 am

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