Second conversation on relationship, I think I'm done

Trying to get "girlfriend" status?

Second conversation on relationship, I think I'm done

Postby Sweetpanda » Mon Jun 04, 2012 1:30 am

I have been seeing this guy for 15 months, constantly seeing each other at least once a week, sometimes more depends on our work schedule, as we live 2hr drive apart. We have good times when we are together, great laughs, romantic dinners, countryside rides, whatever nice things you can think of, and of course great sex too!

I have brought up the topic of being in a relationship with him 6 months ago, and went into the darkest moment ever in my life, because he told me that he was not looking for a relationship but he loved me and wanted to keep me. After the talk he disappeared for a good 2 months, with zero contact with me, ignoring all my calls/texts and emails. Then I decided to give up and move on before new year then he came back to me, acting double as sweet as he had ever been.

I understood he needed time to sort out his feelings and that was what he told me about the withdrawal. And I agreed on taking things slowly to see where it would head to. But now another 6 months has passed and he becomes more and more attentive and we seem more and more like a couple, so I brought up the topic again (maybe it was a bad idea), just last night, before I wrote this. And here is what I got from him.

He said he loves me so much and wants to be with me forever, but it doesn't have to be in a relationship or marriage, he admitted that marriage is something that he doesn't want in his life. He doesn't understand why I am so into having a label and was trying to let me know that we still can have all these wonderful things without any relationship. I said I don't want to be just fiends, he said he understands and said I'm more than that. That's it. No definition of what I am to him. I feel like I'm in a cloud which blurs away my views if that makes sense. I don't even know what I am!

Maybe you can say I'm too desperate, but I think a label is always what most of women want from the man they love, right?

I'm not going to bring up this topic to him again, it's non-sense anymore, I love him so much but I am thinking if I should leave him now as I can't see any hope or future in us. I can't be in this "nameless" zone forever although I still can have his sweetness.

Should I tell him clearly that I might leave? Or just wait?(for what?) or just fade myself away from his life?

My story is a bit too long, thanks everyone for your patience!
Last edited by Sweetpanda on Mon Jun 04, 2012 5:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Second conversation on relationship, I think I'm done

Postby mcnyc » Mon Jun 04, 2012 5:25 am

:D Hi Darling.


You know, the man you're dating is a DICK. First of all all the talk he gave you about loving you is BS. If he really loved you, he'd not keep you waiting. Second thing he lied about is not wanting to get married. WELL THEN WHY ROMANCE YOU FOR 15 MONTHS??? :roll: :roll:

He's a loser who knows how to make himself look good, that's it. If he didn't want a relationship to start with, then why wouldn't he just say so in the beginning? This makes no sense.

I have no idea how old you are, but I think drop him. He's trying to hold onto you just because it's convenient for him that way-he get's to have his cake and eat it too. Tell him you have different goals in life and unless he's going to MAN UP and propose, then he can suck his dick because you're out and he'll never see you again. Threaten him. Then if he says NO at first, cut him out of your life, if that doesn't knock some sense into his head, then nothing will.
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Re: Second conversation on relationship, I think I'm done

Postby Sweetpanda » Mon Jun 04, 2012 5:46 am

Hey mcnyc thanks for your rapid reply!

Sorry that I didn't mention I am 30 and he is same age.

As I know he had a bad engagement years ago and the break-up was awful as he told me, who knows if that's the reason why he is now scared of commitment? Bc he said marriage doesn't last long and things go downhill after entering into official so he doesn't want it in his life. I didn't ask too much about his ex bc I know he would tell me if he wants to but he didn't give me much details.

He did tell me at the beginning that he was not ready for a relationship but as things progress I thought he might have gradually changed his mind and seen some potential between us that's why I brought up the topic last night.

And now I know the answer. Even if I believe that he truly loves me, nothing makes sense if he can't provide what I want--I don't push for anything, nor it would work even though I do.

Marriage might be way too far away to be talked about now, but I think I at least deserve being called his gf after all these time! That girl whoever got engaged with him was some kind of lucky as no one gets into that level after her.
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Re: Second conversation on relationship, I think I'm done

Postby mcnyc » Mon Jun 04, 2012 7:54 am

;) Darling,

He HAS no right to punish YOU for something someone else did at some point in time IN THE PAST. I think give him an ultimatum. Either it's you, or it's nothing. Make him choose. If he doesn't choose you, there's no love to be spoken of. You're 30 now, but waiting around for this guy in no time you'll be 35 and your dreams of having a family won't come true either way- at first he'll not give it to you and then you'll have waited so long for him that it's much harder by then.
Either way, I say drop him. If you think this is love, then I'm telling you, it's not true. Don't wait around for him. You're keeping yourself from meeting a man much better than this one.
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Re: Second conversation on relationship, I think I'm done

Postby Sweetpanda » Tue Jun 05, 2012 5:12 am

mcnyc you're right, that's what I've been thinking, I'm not spending another 5 years being in his back pocket. Sometimes I think it's alright to have no marriage but at least a healthy relationship, I don't want to have friends asking me who that is and I can't even say that's my bf!

It's easier said than done but I know I have to make a decision. Thanks for your advice. I'll have to work it out :)
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Re: Second conversation on relationship, I think I'm done

Postby mcnyc » Tue Jun 05, 2012 3:29 pm

That's the spirit. ;)

Dump him and find someone who does what it takes to make you happy.
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