When a man says he doesnt know what he wants?

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When a man says he doesnt know what he wants?

Postby louge1983 » Sun Sep 02, 2012 11:05 am

What does it mean exactly when a man says he does not know what he wants????

Is he just stringing a girl along.......or is he deciding whether he wants a relationship with her or not?? or does it mean hes happy with the way things are at the moment and doesnt want that to change??....could he be scared of getting into a relationship, especially if he has never had a girlfriend before???

Any insight would be a great help!!! :D
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Re: When a man says he doesnt know what he wants?

Postby lagirl » Sun Sep 02, 2012 2:33 pm

Usually it means he is just happy with the way his life is right now and isn't looking for dramatic changes. If you really knock off his socks he will be more commital, as in saying something like " I would like to pursue and see if there could be a relationship with us."

Think about it, haven't you ever said you don't know what you want to a guy? I know I have... it means I'm still trying to figure out if I like him OR he doesn't really do that much for me.. so I am not going to try to encourage him too much but I might keep him as an option until something better comes along.
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Re: When a man says he doesnt know what he wants?

Postby louge1983 » Sun Sep 02, 2012 3:33 pm

Thanks Lagirl for your reply! Yes i get what your saying, the problem is that he already asked me to be his girlfriend and i said yes and he wanted to discuss our relationship bringing up things that could be issued like his job and stuff and wanted me to bring up my issues so that we could talk about it and understand where we stand in this new relationship. Another problem is he had a few drinks in him when he said this and kept saying how much he really liked me and how happy he was etc. He has never had a girlfriend before he was just seeing girls before. The next couple of weeks were great until he started acting strange and distant. i gave him his space and when he came back i said are we giving this a go or are we just staying friends. He then said that he didnt know what he wants and he apologised saying that he knows that its not fair on me for him to be like this but he just doesnt know what he wants. so i took it that we were just friends. now he keeps texting me asking me where i am, what im doing, who im with and texting flirty messages so i am confused. :?
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Re: When a man says he doesnt know what he wants?

Postby lagirl » Sun Sep 02, 2012 3:42 pm

I see... well alcohol does get us all to say things we wish we hadn't.

At this point, I would back off a bit. Give him space to think it through and DO NOT be so available to him. He may be totally interested and getting nervous about it or he may be back pedaling after he "drunk talked."

Let him get his bearings and in the meantime keep some distance. Don't initiate text/talk with him. Let him do it first. Keep dating and busy. Do not be so open about who you are with and what you are doing. See what happens.
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Re: When a man says he doesnt know what he wants?

Postby louge1983 » Mon Oct 08, 2012 10:52 am

Just a little update on this story.... so i was doing my own thing, going out and having fun etc when i met him out one night in a bar. i only spoke to him for a short while and then left and went to another bar. he arrived on his own (without his friends) and the same bar and came up to me and we were talking and laughing etc. then he said to me that he really likes me and wants to give things a go with me (this is the second time he has said this to me - the first time was before he told me he didnt know what he wanted). I said no that he had told me all this before and especially since he said it when he was drunk and that here he is again saying the same things to me and again he is drunk. he said that he meant it the last time he just got scared and that he means it this time too. so the next day (when we were both sober) we talked again and i agreed to go out with him. Things went well for a day or two and now he is acting distant/ pulling away again!!! so i am back to square one with him , im giving him space and not contacting him but im really frustrated!!! :?
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Re: When a man says he doesnt know what he wants?

Postby annisa_hasan » Mon Oct 08, 2012 3:25 pm

hi louge1983

I'm in this situation as well, a guy that I'm interested in has had a bad break up and doesn't want to be in a relationship and want to focus on his career but he's infatuated by me so doesn't know what to do. Focus on his career or be in a relationship with me. He's not a marriage or date material either but he couldn't help that he liked me. Basically he doesn't know what he wants. Tbh I asked him out a few times but he always made excuses to be with me cos he's scared of being in a relationship or he's not confident to go out with me. He's also introduced me to his family. I'd say if a guy doesn't know what he wants you should back off a bit, give him space until he knows what he's after, you'll find out from a guy when you actually moved on with another guy or you actually hint to him you've actually moved on. It's not fair on you to wait for a guy who doesn't know what he wants. He's gonna keep acting like this for God knows how long. Until he's 40? I assume you guys are very young. Meet other guys, keep your options open but keep him in your options as well so you don't lose him. If you get him great, if you don't and find someone else, he'll regret it. Don't frustrate yourself, you'll give yourself a headache trying to figure him out, the thing is guys want you to figure them out, they want you get confused, he wants you to think about him, he wants you to chase him. Well, don't for now, and he'll start to miss you IF he really really does like you. If he doesn't seem to miss you, then you know the answer, he just wants the chase or he's tooooooo shy or scared to ask you out. At the end of the day if you get him great, if you don't he'll start to regret losing you so either way you win.

Have a nice day!
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