Why doesn't he want to have sex with me anymore?

Does he want out or does he just need some space?

Why doesn't he want to have sex with me anymore?

Postby Saedee671 » Thu Jan 05, 2012 9:24 am

Hi everyone,

I joined this forum for this specific question... i know lame but i need to know! I have been with my bf George for about a year (we met online) we started having sex like 3 times a day 4 or 5 if we wanted to by 3 months we were at 3 to 4 times a week. around 3 months he asks me to move in so i agreed, i really love him and compared to all my exes he's the best bf ive ever had. by 5 months we were at 2 times a month if i was lucky and i initiate it all the time. I dont know what happened and i've tried doing stuff like getting him in the mood to talking to him, i even asked if he was gay! he tells me he loves me with all his heart but sometimes guys arent in the mood. call me stupid but ive been in 4 other sexual relationships and ive never had this problem, i was always the one calling the shots when it came to sex now im frustrated and annoyed by him. we're at the point where whenever i ask hes too tired or he just turns away and tells me he loves me. he shouldnt be tired cuz he doesnt work! ive done the talking, ive done the asking, and ive done the begging! I dont want to feel like i have to beg him for sex it shouldnt be like that and everytime i do it eats at my self esteem! what is wrong? can i fix it? or should i just give up and move on? please help me i need advice asap!
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Re: Why doesn't he want to have sex with me anymore?

Postby jan259 » Thu Jan 05, 2012 12:51 pm

either he just doesn't have a sex drive. it happens. i went a few years with no desire at all so it is possible. not sure why he doesn't work perhaps he is depressed and doesnt feel like a man. try working on that part and get a vibrator if you don't have one. :shock:
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Re: Why doesn't he want to have sex with me anymore?

Postby Saedee671 » Thu Jan 05, 2012 7:21 pm

jan259 wrote:either he just doesn't have a sex drive. it happens. i went a few years with no desire at all so it is possible. not sure why he doesn't work perhaps he is depressed and doesnt feel like a man. try working on that part and get a vibrator if you don't have one. :shock:


Thanks for the reply... as for his sex drive i can get him in the mood but he'd just turn away and say 'i love you' and I believe in an open and honest relationship so i spoke to him about me getting a vibrator and stuff but he would get mad and tell me i don't need any of that and that i have him that should be enough. He doesnt work full time he's in the military and helps with his dads business so money and stress isnt an issue. I love him and i know he loves me and i know that sex isnt important but i dont think its fair.
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Re: Why doesn't he want to have sex with me anymore?

Postby jnc272 » Fri Jul 13, 2012 1:24 am

I have the same problem with my boyfriend. I've been with him for about a year and a half. He used to beg me for sex. We used to have sex twice a day- everyday! Now we have sex about once a month! It sucks so bad! I don't know what to do. It's so very frustrating!!!
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Re: Why doesn't he want to have sex with me anymore?

Postby StaceyTaylor » Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:38 am

Sometimes guys aren't in the mood?

gasp...ya think? :mrgreen:

Here ya go, and suggested solutions where applicable.


1. he's not sexually into you anymore
Solution: put it down and move on, no you can't fix it because it's biochemical, not a choice.

2. he's finds you sexually repellent and/or faced a sexual dealbreaker that makes the idea of sex with you repellent but the attachment's real
Solution: unless he gives you something to work with, could be anything; put it down and move on; also not a choice and you can't fix it just shooting in the dark. Could be odor, uncleanliness, weight gain, saw you without makeup and destroyed his fantasy, who knows what. If he doesn't open up, nothing you can do. Move on.

3. he's boning someone else and IS too tired
Solution: put it down and move on. It's still biochemical, not a choice, you can't fix that either

4. he's masturbating instead and IS spent and no longer in the mood cause he handled it
Solution: discuss his masturbatory habits; if he's hung up about sex, see #3, you can't fix it

5. his testosterone levels tanked, snuffing down his libido
Solution: get him to visit a dr for a T level check. If he's unwilling to go, see #3, same thing.

6. he has you, doesn't think "maintenance" applies
Solution: Honey, I value my sex drive and have no intentions of being involved with someone who isn't interested in having sex with me. So, we work this out or we shake hands and say goodbye. Not up for negotiation. If he doesn't rise to the occasion, put it down and move on.That is your answer.

7. he's got sex hang ups that are coming out on him
Solution: Run like hell.

8. he feels sexually inadequate (hinted at by the reply he got mad about vibrator and you don't need it if you have him; ignores the part it's not doing you any good having him, he's as responsive as a doorstop)
Solution: Honey, "having you" isn't doing me any good. My vibrator gives me more action than you are. (see #6) or explore what he might be snagging up over if he will discuss it. If he refuses to discuss these things, the intelligent thing is to put it down and move on; he's showing you loud and clear he's unwilling to fully participate in the relationship regardless of the root motivation.

You can't change it or fix it. Sticking around trying to is wasting your life.

9. he's caught or been diagnosed with an STD or suspects he has one and is terrified to bring it up yet
Solution: run like hell.

10. he's a closet homo
Solution: take him to a gay bar and hunt guys together...fag hag isn't so bad...


Low sex drive, lack of interest in sex, apathy, indifference, sporadic, etc; are all going to be rooted in biochemistry, hormone levels, illness/disease, and nothing whatsoever you can do to fix it. Only treatment will fix it provided it's not some incurable thing. It's not a choice and giving him shit over it isn't going to do anything but make it worse and wreck the relationship.

Lack of interest in you sexually is either that you personally aren't doing it for him anymore (grossed him out, finds you out of synch with his preference, dealbreaker, he's simply bored with or tired of screwing you, it's not appealing anymore, etc) or he's getting off some other way (masturbation, affair, porn/cyber, other) and the orgasms are knocking down his libido and he's not in the mood and isn't going to get in the mood by anything you do. Libido = biochemistry.

You have no capacity to do anything about it. No dildo, no stilettos, no talk of deviant porn sex will make one shred of difference. Orgasm signals trigger brain to produce a specific cocktail of chemicals that shut off arousal, desire, ability for erection, etc. The more he gets off, the longer it'll take him to get in the mood again.

This includes going elsewhere or taking sexual interest in someone who isn't you, he's getting indulged there and has no more left for you. Might love you just fine but he found a better option for sex. Nothing you can do about that either.

When a guy stops putting out, it's either him or it's you.

He's chemically repressed or sick and not into sex itself or
he's not into sex with you, but other options are still available.
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